Well it is official by now! I mean it has been official for quite some time now, but this time it is even more official. I honestly have no idea how I was able to keep this up and running for all this time and post over 200 decently lenghty articles on a multitude of topics of which I more or less had little or no idea about, but bloody hell I did it. It made me some money, it gave me some skills and it helped me pass some time by doing something remotely useful and at least partially meaningful. I wanted to write a couple more posts, a follow up to this last post I created and talk about five more games that would be worth remembering, but I only managed to write the intro:
“Ah … It certainly feels good to be back at the writing desk and to pen some of my last thoughts here on this blog being fully aware and having finally made up my mind about letting all my part-time work slip into oblivion. I feel a mixture of pride in knowing that I managed to keep this together and that I improved my skills to the point where plenty of my serious works and essays have been published and received positive reviews all around the branch of science that I have chosen to follow and this blog and all the writing it involved played quite an important part in making that happen. And then there is the sadness that I feel knowing that it will all be gone and there is very little chance of me restoring any of it at some point in the future. There would still be so many things which I would feel like writing down in here, but clearly this is not a confessions posts and it most definately won’t become one of those cause when I set my mind to a task I go for it and I would honestly like to have it done. As such with one more posts remaining except for this one there will be plenty of room to do just that, with this one on the other hand there still are five games left which deserve one final mention before the curtain falls.” – There I just quoted myself, someone give me an anti-plagiarism badge or something. Also as you can notice I just broke several promises I made to myself and allowed that post to go unfinished and I certainly proved it to myself that regardless of how focused I must have been it just wasn’t enough. Period!
So there it is that’s how I would have started and went on for a few more pages, would have added some pictures and it would have been quite a funny and interesting experience to end with. Still it would have been just the same as all the other posts and in a way given that the financial incentives have been discarded quite some time ago there really was little motivation for me to actually wrap things up properly. But sitting here and wondering, there certainly were more things at stake here than a mere post and some money to be had from all the proper recommendations. Sadly I was not able to grasp it and build a community and make it meaningful, but who knows mayhap at some point in the future we might as well give it another shot. I might return to my first ever blog and start writing seriously on it, or I might start something fresh and hope for the best or just simply get a good old 9-5 job and be done with it all. Time will tell.
It is tempting I admit it, but once you tasted the wine it is quite hard to go back to drinking water so it would clearly mean that I gota do something much more interesting than this. Games will still play quite an important role, hopefully not too prominent, but who knows. And many other disctractions seasoning a mediocre and boring existence which we can all hope will end well and in profit, but truth be told only time will tell if our calls and puts will be wins or losses in the long run. We all start out as bulls and rush headfirst into life thinking the world of ourselves and those around us, but time has a way with most of us and transforms us into lazy bears that slowly accept their fate and rarely do anything extraordinary despite their huge potential. Still some do it and if there is anything I would want from this life as this chapter closes and another one begins that would be to count myself among those who did just that. To be an exception and to do things differently and to do them well, knowing fully well that my investements might fail, but taking comfort in the fact that I tried and did my best.
There is but one thing that I fear and those in spite of what most of us might consider are not the circumstances, becuase they change in our favor or against it all the time, but the greatest fear is of myself becoming just another face in the crowd doing everything as everyone else and not really caring about it. I never sought the extraordinary and was quite pleased with my mediocre results as long as I was personally satisfied, but something tells me that as I grow older the need to belong and to do something filled with meaning inceases. Maybe because we finally realize that at some point our lives will be forfeited and nothing will remain in our wake, nor good nor evil nor meaning of any sort or perhaps it is just me thinking and talking trash to myself. Either way these were all my thoughts for me along and if anyone else reads them, please don’t try to make sense, but if you do, then you are welcome.
There will not be a second time here, but anyways it has been a plesure and the games have been held up and they will keep on staying up for a long time to come. Because whenever we need a break from our own reality we can always count on something where that road to greatness and meaning has already been drawn by the devs and writers and we need only walk on it once more as it is new to us in every different world. Every new RPG world ready to be explored, every quest that needs to be completed, arenas that need to be won, battlegrounds that yearn for new recruits, bases that have to built, enemies to be destroyed and all this being very real in our minds and right at our fingertips. Cheers and have a merry life, dear reader!